i'm so bored from trying to study FM.. quiz on tues..sigh~

ever watched the movie Amelie?

Amelie's this girl who sees the world in a magical light.. hmm.. in another word, she just seems to be living in the world of her own. i feel that there's this Amelie living in every of us. i mean sometimes don't you just think that only you yourself can see some things in a different light that others don't? at least i do.. for instance, sometimes when i see or hear some stuff, there'll be this comic strip rolling in my mind, which can be hilarious and i'll can't stop laughing about it! but whenever i try to explain to my friends. they'll give me this "erm.. not very funny leh" look. and i'll realise how amusing it is that only i can picture so weird and dumb stuff in my mind, and it will make me laugh even harder! so funny! hahahaa! sometimes i'll not be bothered to describe wad i'm picturing in my mind coz it won't appear to be funny unless people can see how it looks like in my mind. as much as i'll like to share, but sadly they can't. so i can only laugh to myself. haha. am i weird? perhaps. haha. but in my opinion, there's tis part of us that's reserved for ourselves deep within. keeping us company at all times. it's a place we can retreat to as and when we like. no reservation required.

world of my own.

a quote from Casanova...

Give me a man who is man enough to give himself just to the woman who is worth him. If that woman were me I would love him alone and forever. ~Francesca Bruni~

here i am, trying to clear my mind and vision too perhaps. there are thousand and one things all rambled up in my mind that i have to say but need to sort them out first and hopefully bring the right words out.

'heated debate.. the way i said i wanted it to be'.. so i see..it wasn' that convincing afterall. it's single sided.. it wasn't meant to be hurtful, but apparently it turned out to be. didn't know that it would cause such pain. i'm really sorry. as i've always know, i'm a really sucky person. especially to people who are closer. it just seems that i'm never doing or saying the right things/words. words tend to turn out harsh even since the past. i know that by saying that's the way i am is just an excuse, but besides that, there's nothing more i can say. that's why sometimes i truely dislike myself. i really do.

got to admit that there was anger when i first saw what was written. but sadness has now taken over and it's overwhelming. i know you're trying very hard to move on. i know it very well. i really do. i tend to avoid mentioning things that will remind you of it as well. we are all battling with fears now. we are afraid. afraid of wrong words, wrong actions, heading into a wrong direction, things turn out to be wrong. many fears and worries. maybe they're weighing us down. maybe.

i'm sorry again for doubting. it wasn't supposed to be bad. just concern. perhaps because things were never said or put acrossed or even the lack of contact, hence doubts set in. doubts and assumptions have their chance to invade as words are left unspoken. and for that very same reason, i chose say those things. and maybe that explains that letter too. i don't know. all were said in the hope that they don't come in too late, which often lead to regrets.

was reminded of a story earlier in the night. it left me in tears not too long ago. a breif summary of it:
a man was sentenced to death for the murder of his mother's abusive lover. since he was young the lover would beat him for the most ridiculous reasons. his mum would always help to beat up the boy. on one of his birthday, he was beaten again. since then, he had lost hope in his mum. hatred overtook fear. he didn't want to allow his mum to be with him at his death sentence. he rather have his treasured teddy bear there then his mum. that was how much he hated her. but in the end he found out that his mum didn't abandon him. in fact whenever she beat him up, it was to save him from harsher punishments. and whatever that was 'remained', his mum will get it from her lover.. his mum was there with him in his last journy. but words were left unspoken for too long. truth came in late.

i've got to agree with you that we've hit a rough patch. we are all totally cluelss of what can or should be said and done. maybe it's a time to test how strong the bond built in the past 7 years truely is. it's real dark and we all can't see the road ahead. we're losing our grip as well. if the hands are not strong enough to hold it on, we'll all get lost in the complete darkness. tighter grips in need.

sorry for the pain caused by your lousy friend here.

it might be a chance for me to do self-reflection on the whole issue and soul-searching. beginning to get confused. no longer clear of what i'm thinking, what i'm feeling. can no longer think properly. it's all in a whirl.

1.30am

i know im not supposed to be doing this.. there're tons of things waiting to be done.. BUT i gotto blog this.. i drove for the first time! of coz i meant without an instructor! hmm.. maybe not exactly.. juz that papa took the role instead. haha. was quite suprised when he asked if i wanna drive there.. was quite worried at first.. but glad i took up the offer! haha! drove from home to sch and back home.. which means i drove from amk to jalan bahar and back to amk. haha.. going on expressway was shiok! was driving like near to double of my usual learning speed manx. fun! haha. went back to pack and get back my stuff.. it seems rather empty now. okie gotto get back to work now. complete the last bit of the assigment and mug for tmr's accounting quiz! i need luck.

im running out of time. all that's up in my mind now: 4 pages assigment, personality tests, critical thinking, rubics, criteria, accounting quiz, hwk. it's bad. the assigment's giving me a big headache. the criteria listed in the rubic are out of the world. gotto finish it before tmr morning by hook or by crook. gotto get panadols.

survive thru' monday n it'll be fine!

guess gotto agree with wad hongen said.. that when u reach a peak, it'll always go in the opposite direction again. and in my opinion.. much faster as well. it juz accelerates. everything seems crashing down n all juz go wrong. like so many mind boggling stuff creeping up and clinging onto you. but it's not that things that happened or still happening are the sole factor. big part of the prob lies in me. yes me. first and foremost, as i mentioned before.. i'm spoilt. yes i am. but.. i juz am la. which sux. next, i juz cant ever seems to fulfill anyting i set out to achieve. NEVER. coz it's me. really wonder when will i stop this suckiness.. at loss..urgh! *frustration*

wanna go back to the good old days. primary school. hanging out with the bunch of crazy frens.

took it off.
growing distances yet no effort made. wonder where it'll lead to.

today started off badly.. things juz didnt go well.. tot it was a bad omen *fingers crossed*... but guess i was too tired to be bothered abt it.. until i was sitting outside the briefing rm! so freaking scared for a moment. and as usual.. didnt hav the luck to get the kind looking testers.. guess this time round was much worse then the last time. dun like him..yikes! didnt bother to give any sign of acknowlegement when instructions were given. he was all cynical (at least tt's MY impression) n so reluctant to give a pass.. but wadever. who cares abt him..i got my license! yay!! so happy!!! lalalalala~

L-plate NO MORE!

driving test tomorrow again. neither high hope nor confidence. but hope it'll be fine. so coincidental that yp taking the test tmr too! haha.. juz wanna wish yp all the best tmr! good luck! we can do it! =)

one of the songs currently in my playlist on repeat mode.. really nice, just like Dreaming of You..


I Could Fall In Love by Selena

I could lose my heart tonight
If you don't turn and walk away
'Cause the way I feel I might
Lose control and let you stay
'Cause I could take you in my arms
And never let go

I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you

I could only wonder how
Touching you would make me feel
But if I take that chance right now
Tomorrow will you want me still
So I should keep this to myself
And never let you know

I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you

And I know it's not right
And I guess I should try
To do what I should do
But I could fall in love
Fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you

Siempre estoy soñada en ti
Besandos mis labios, acariciando mi piel
Abrazadome con ansias locas
Imaginando que me amos
Cómo yo podia amar a ti

So I should keep this to myself
And never let you know

I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love
I could fall in love
With you

I could fall
Fall in love with you

first and foremost, Happy New Year to one and all.. hope u guys will hav a great year ahead =)

wad a way to start the day: my mp3 player spoilt.. shant go into wad happened.. my it's spoilt.. haiz.. really love my zen mirco.. 1) it's in nice purple 2) all my fav songs are inside 3) really need to hav music any n everywhere i go.. and the most important thing is that 4) it's a bday present frm mummy for my last bday.. it's almost a year old.. but not yet leh. haiz. sad. really hope it can and will be repaired soon. i am sad.

watched 小孩不笨2. i've always like this kinda show.. so yup.. it's nice.. both the movies always seems to act as a catalyst to stirr emotions and reflections. there are many things in life that we jolly well know we shouldnt or should be doing.. but are doing otherwise even knowing the fact that they'll lead to regret. perhaps we're all too stubborn for good.. at least for me, i am. absolutly.

and to chui..ur driving skill dun sux! =)